Give Yourself Grace - My Kode With Klossy Story

“Did you get an email yet?” questioned Sandra, my oldest sister.

“Let me check again” I replied with uncertainty. My mind paced endlessly back and forth like a hamster on a wheel. The computer time read 5:00 pm and still nothing. How could it be? I was puzzled and I could not make sense of this. Despite this feeling, I continued to patiently wait. About half an hour later, an email notification from Gmail appeared on my laptop screen. The subject line read: “Congratulations, Victoria.” I could not believe it and at once a river of tears flooded my eyes. At last, the vigorous work finally paid off. The weeks spent preparing my video and essay application were actually worth something. My fifteen-year-old life for once had texture and meaning.

As I continued to read the email, it said, “Hi, Victoria, Congratulations – you've been accepted into the 2016 Kode With Klossy camp in New York! We look forward to seeing all that you will do with your coding superpowers this summer and beyond. Welcome to the Kode With Klossy community :)" It was official. All that I could not ever imagine, came to fruition. I was accepted into an all-female coding bootcamp led by the Flatiron School in Manhattan. The camp awarded a select number of scholarships to deserving females with a desire to learn how to code. An intensive curriculum on Web Applications (focused on building web-based software with JavaScript, Ruby, HTML and CSS) was given to Level One scholars like me. I was eager to embark on this new journey into Computer Science.

While riding on the PATH train, I realized I was just fifteen years old with a dream. A dream to explore the complex facets of Computer Science in the Big Apple. In the heart of New York City, I sat in a classroom with 24 other female campers. Everyone understood the lesson with ease except me. A small fish in such a big pond, treading the waters, trying to stay afloat. I stared aimlessly at the classroom projector, trying to make sense of the code. It looked like hieroglyphics or a foreign language. Why are words and symbols and letters and numbers all mixed? I pondered. Immediately, Impostor Syndrome set in. You do not belong here. You are not even smart enough. These phrases rang repeatedly in my mind, words of discouragement and shame tattooed on my brain.

Lunch time came and I hastened to the bathroom, barricading myself in the tiny stall. I cried hysterically of embarrassment. I felt like an outcast, the dumb student. I could not understand why I struggled when I was used to being a quick learner in school. The one skill: coding, that I was so eager to learn just was not easy for me to grasp. I called my older sister, Linda, who always knows how to console me whenever I am troubled. She reassured me, reminding me that it is normal to feel confused in an unfamiliar environment. I dried my eyes, returned to my seat and nibbled on the remnants of my lunch. I avoided small talk or friendly banter with any and every one because it would only amplify my feelings of annoyance.

“Not very hungry, Victoria?” asked Jeff, the coding instructor with genuine concern.

“Nah, I’m fine. Just a ‘lil stressed, that’s all” I shrugged my shoulders while my face hung low.

Jeff knew there was something deeper troubling me. He couldn’t help but to poke and pry at what was bothering me.

“Hey, Victoria. I have noticed that you are a little bit too hard on yourself. Give yourself grace,” Jeff spoke with authority.
Give yourself grace.

There was a poetic beauty about that phrase that stuck with me at that instance. I smiled ever so slightly and mustered up the remaining courage I had to continue on with my day.

Today, I am Bachelor's Degree holder in Computer Science, Master's Degree student studying Business Analytics and Data Science currently working full-time in tech as well! I am a Sr. Information Technology Analyst at a large Fin-Tech firm in NJ. I've completed two Microsoft SWE and PM internships and earned my Computer Science educator teaching license. Kode With Klossy has completely changed the trajectory of my entire life. I am so blessed for the program giving me the opportunity to change the world for the better. I've discovered my passions and I can confidently say that Kode With Klossy was one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

And now, I am blessed to be able to pay it forward by imparting my knowledge on others too. Thank you.